Vegetarian Ventures: Love Letter to a Parsnip

Dear Parsnip,

I assume this is the first love letter you have ever received, because many people mistake you for a white carrot or spend their entire lives blind to your existence. I love all root vegetables—beets, turnips, carrots, potatoes—but you are by far my favorite. Our dates at 1920 Commons put me in a good mood for the entire week, even if the lunch ladies who serve you to me are grumpy.

I know you are self-conscious about how pale you are, and you have a slight inferiority complex for constantly being compared to carrots, but I think you are perfect in every single way. Not too crunchy, sweet, or mushy—just right. I would never want you to change your appearance in any way, especially not by getting a spray tan to look more like a carrot.

I celebrate when I find you floating in soup. Brushed in olive oil, salt, and pepper and roasted, you are the best complement to my Tofurky on Thanksgiving. Thank you very much for my birthday gift—how did you know I needed potassium?! Sometimes I feel like you know me better than I know myself.

I know you are used to being forgotten about, but I promise to never forget you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me; the years that I was eating only carrots were a dark time of my life. It wasn’t until I met you that I started truly living.

Yours Truly,

Sophie Litwin